I’ll just be plain: I’m not feeling very well.

I got over Covid fast enough, symptoms disappeared, and I felt back to normalize, with periods of dizziness or light-headedness as I tried to walk. Even short distances winded me. I’m a big guy, but I’ve been on all sides of the scale. Even being bigger before I’ve never felt this exhausted.

It’s some sort of damage from Covid, or ‘long Covid’ where I’m not symptomatic, but my lungs just aren’t cooperating to the degree I need them. In the mornings when I wake, I have about 30% of my lung capacity. By the middle of the day, I can inhale fully, and fill the entirety of my chest cavity with fresh air.

At night, I wake up struggling to breathe, because my brain just forgets. The take home sleep apnea test suggested I’m in the severe category, and I drop down to approx 50% O2 at my lowest point. I’ve taken to to more extreme sleeping positions to stay down for the whole night. I’m still getting some sleep, while I wait for a second appointment with a doctor, to discuss the results of my sleep study (not good), and THEN schedule an overnight appointment with them to try and calibrate what I’m sure will be a CPAP or BIPAP (or whatever) machine.

That will get me through the night, and start the reverse spiral of everything that’s been haunting me. I can feel the strings of panic attacks as I hyperventilate in the middle of the night. Even turning over onto my side will send me into a panting frenzy, because I think in some way my body recognizes that’s the position that will cut off my air later. It’s weird.

While I fight through this, I’m zombified. No interest to write or game, etc. I *have* put down a few notes and revisions on some things as I scroll through the list of projects I have…since I’m not tied down into the middle of the two items I was focused on, I suppose my subconscious is making connections on other stories and I’m just filling in the blanks on those. So that’s a net positive.

In short, don’t worry about me yet. Mid-August I should have the overnight sleep study where they will setup the machine and get me going. I just hope that in the interim the lapses in the night don’t cause significant damage to my heart that will cause problems in other areas later.

Keep you all posted.